I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
