I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
