you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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