A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
