I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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