This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just found puke in my bra..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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