There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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