So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
