I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
