both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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