So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize