Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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