you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
jump out the window naked night went bad
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
