my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
