i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
