Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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