I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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