I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize