I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
