I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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