You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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