look no pants
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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