$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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