I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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