Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
