You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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