Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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