U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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