Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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