we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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