Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize