I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
