I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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