Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
