my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
