You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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