My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize