He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
