he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
