omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
