I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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