last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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