Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
