he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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