We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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