In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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