I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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