mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
