did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
