he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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