shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
