New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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