I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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