in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
