fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
