worst night to have a conscience
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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