Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
