I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
