whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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