false alarm. still invincible.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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