This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
