I am puke
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
