my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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