Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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