hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Floor bacon is actually really good
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
