somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
