i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
