roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
