3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
